Simon says go to Kentucky
[2003-10-14 - 10:49 p.m.]

Diary, I never never NEVER get what I want.

Never.

So, to make sure things go smoothly for my trip to check out Shelbyville Kentucky, I am going to pray. Pray mightly and hard, for the following. Many large red angry boils on and round my face and head. Perhaps one on my right ear, too.

I will also request that every single hair on my head falls out, and my breath becomes that of a thousand gingivitas-infected dragons after a night of eating garlic bagles and expresso by the gallon.

And, just for good measure, I will include a petition for my lady pains to take on epic proportions, and for my flow of blood to rival that of a swollen, raging river after the spring thaw. Maybe there could even be salmon, I'm not really sure. Or, wait... Clots the SIZE of salmon. And two terrificaly swollen ankles, which cause passers-by to compliment me on my lovely tan bell bottoms.

One more thing on my to-do list: book a hotel.

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